Last updated Sep 7, 2024

Complex PTSD:From Surviving to Thriving

Today I am bringing you a little review of the book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving written by Pete Walker. I mostly listened to this as an audio book I borrowed from my library, but ended up ordering a physical copy of it as well. I found so much useful information that I wanted to have my own copy to highlight and review.

I usually see this book recommended as a first read for those who are newly diagnosed or those who discovered on their own they have CPTSD. I fall into the latter category, somewhat. CPTSD is not a recognized disorder in the DSM-5, so until more recently, finding information about healing from complex trauma was sparse. I actually first found out about CPTSD about 10 years ago in an anxiety self help book. I remember telling my therapist at the time about it, and that I thought I had something like that. We both agreed, but 1.) She was absolutely not qualified to do trauma work 2.) I had 0 idea at the time how much my childhood trauma affected my day to day life. So while I acknowledged the issue, I actually didn’t really do much of anything about it. I ended up getting diagnosed with BPD instead (which I am not sure if I ever really fit that diagnosis, nor do I think I would tick enough boxes to be diagnosed with it now), and so my focus was instead on what is wrong with me.

Through working on my own failing mental health while I am on a long wait list for therapy, I came across CPTSD again, and a lot of things clicked. And while I continue to learn about it, more and more things from my past keep clicking into place. I feel both relieved and insanely frustrated. It seemed so simple! It was there all along. I knew I had rough times growing up. However, it took me this long to fully understand the depth of the problem.

But now here I am, all done reading my first major book on CPTSD, and I already feel like such a changed person. Pete Walker’s writing voice feels like a caring friend explaining something new to me for the first time. It is simple, without being patronizing. Walker is a therapist himself who has done (and is still doing) the hard work to heal from CPTSD. I also think the audio book narrator was good. He had a calm voice that made it easy to listen to even the more difficult to get through sections. By the way, I did not find this book overly triggering. While Walker talks about some of his own and anonymized client’s abuses, I feel like he only gives the amount of detail needed to get the point across. There were times I felt sadness and shame for how much I related to certain stories or parts of the book, but I wouldn’t exactly say it was fully triggering like some resources have been to me.

I personally recommend reading the whole book first, but the book is set up so that you can easily flip ahead to the parts you want to read. The table of contents at the start of the book includes the titles and page numbers for all the chapters, along with page numbers given for all the major sections of each chapter. The beginning chapters introduce what CPTSD is and what can cause it, and we learn common CPTSD behaviors. We move further into how we can begin healing, with things like managing flashbacks, shrinking our inner critic, and healing from codependent relationships. The last few chapters of the book are helpful resources, like what to look for in a good enough therapist, book recommendations for further reading, and various resource toolboxes.

One thing I really liked about this book is while Walker does suggest going to therapy if that is an option for us, he doesn’t emphasize it as the end all be all of healing. In fact, he says that relational healing can come from any good enough relationship, including pets. He even acknowledges that some who have been severely traumatized and abused may only be able to relate to animals, and that it is okay because it will still be healing. One of my favorite sections was at the end of Chapter 13 - A Relational Approach to Healing Abandonment. This chapter was a reworking of an article he wrote to therapists on how to help CPSTD clients. The chapter now serves to help us understand what we might look for in a healing, therapeutic relationship. My favorite part of the chapter is when he brings up co-counseling for those who may not be able to afford or work with a regular therapist. He gives some solid recommendations of how to set up co-counseling, based on how he and his wife have done their own co-counseling.

I think the biggest take away most people will get from this book is the 13 steps of flashback management. If I could only recommend one section of this book to people, it would be this one. Thankfully, you can find these steps, and an assortment of other helpful articles on Walker’s Website. At the bottom of the list is a PDF you can print out. I plan to print a couple copies. One to keep in my healing journal, and another to slap right on my bedroom walls. Just being able to tell myself “I think I am having a flashback right now” when I randomly become triggered has been so helpful.

My other favorite part is early on in the book. Walker gives us some wonderful reparenting affirmations we can say to ourselves while doing inner child work or during a flashback. I actually loved these affirmations so much I wrote them down on some My Little Pony memo paper I had on my desk and taped them up on my wall. I was surprised to find he doesn’t have these on his website, so I will include them at the end of this review.

I also appreciate that Walker takes the time to talk about emotional abuse. Chapter 5 is titled “What if I was never hit?”. Most of my parental abuse was emotional, and it can sometimes feel hard to fit in to CPTSD spaces. Walker talks about his emotional abuse from his mother, and how most times is stung worse than the physical abuse from his father. You can receive the same sort of damage to your psyche from emotional abuse, and Walker does a good job to validate this.

About my only major complaint for this book is there were things that interested me, only to hear “For more about this, see my earlier book The Tao of Fully Feeling" and while that is now on my “To read (eventually)” list, I still wish the information was expanded upon in this book too. However this only happens a few times. For the most part, I feel like everything presented in the book is well explained and easy to digest.

This book is full of helpful and healing information. I would be here all day if I were to pick out all the parts I liked. But I hope this at least gives you a glimpse into what you mind in this book and if it might be something you are interested in picking up. Overall I think this book serves as an amazing resource for someone working on healing from CPTSD. I also think sections of it might be helpful for loved ones of people with CPTSD to read through, as it might help them understand why some of us think and act in the most “irrational” way sometimes.

“I am so glad you were born. You are a good person. I love who you are and am doing my best to always be on your side. You can come to me whenever you’re feeling hurt or bad. You do not have to be perfect to get my love and protection. All of your feelings are okay with me. I am always glad to see you. It is okay for you to be angry, and I won’t let you hurt yourself or others when you are. You can make mistakes – they are your teachers. You can know what you need and ask for help. You are a delight to my eyes. You can sometimes feel confused and ambivalent and not know all the answers. I am very proud of you.” ~ Pete Walker