Last updated Apr 22, 2024

Burnout: The Secret To Unlocking The Stress Cycle

Hi all! Trying something a little different today! I am going to be writing a mini summary/review of a book I listened to recently. I have mentioned it here and there, but I have been dealing with some health issues lately. Mostly GI related. While I have always had low grade stomach issues most of my life, lately it has been pretty bad. I had a fairly stressful year last year. My dad had to have the same surgery three times because the first two times it failed. (And that third try was going to be their last attempt) My dog had to visit the emergency vet. We had several things in our house fail which meant strangers in my house and money strains. While I did my best to cope, it was still insanely difficult. While sometimes illness just happens to the body no matter what you do, I would not be surprised at all to be told what I have going on right now is at least partly due to stress.

Recently someone recommended to me the book Burnout. I was home, the library had it as an audio book I could rent right away, I needed to get some chores done. I was immediately drawn in. I have read so many self help books and blogs. Watched so many videos. (Especially back when I was in college and didn’t know I had ADHD yet and couldn’t understand why I was falling behind in so many ways) I have anxiety. I have gone through therapy. I know how to handle stress. Yet sometimes, we need to be reminded.

Let me get it out of the way; this book is aimed towards women and has a strong feminist slant. I don’t say this as a negative thing, because it doesn’t bother me. While they say the book is for all women, I do feel like the target audience is people who were “raised as women” (I don’t like that phrase exactly, but I am not sure what would be better to use here). I don’t ID as a woman, but it doesn’t really matter because society still views me as a woman and several of the stressors in my life are caused by patriarchy. It is just the way it is I guess. *shrug* I have some social dysphoria, but I guess this book wasn’t enough to trigger it too much. However, I just throwing that part out there in case anyone else has concerns.

This is a book where I think you can get the most important bits out of just going through the first chapter. You will get the most important information, how to complete the stress cycle, out of the first chapter. Anything after that is optional. I don’t mean that literally, but if you only check out the first chapter and decide the tone isn’t vibing with you, then you at least have the most important information. The first chapter deals with how and why to complete the stress cycle. The rest of the book is just clarifications and talking about the things that can get in the way.

One of my criticisms of the book is the name. Maybe I am being too literal, but as someone with AuDHD, burnout can be quite the roadblock. I can’t really say how helpful this book would be if you were in 100% burnout. I think this book is more suited for someone who feels stuck or falling behind, but not quite into full on burnout yet. I feel like this book is more like “here are the ways that you can deal with stress in your life, also here is a bunch of affirming shit about the stress that women face.” Again, I think you will get the vibes from the first chapter about the direction of the book.

The book is divided up into three sections, titled: What you take with you, The Real Enemy, and Wax on, Wax off, so let's start from the top and work from there.

What you take with you

First, let's acknowledge that stress is not the same as a stressor. You can never have control of all the stressors in your life, but you can have control of how you handle the built up stress in your body. Sometimes you have shitty coworkers, sometimes someone cuts you off in traffic, sometimes the fridge breaks in the middle of the night and no one knows until the morning when all your food is ruined. Life sucks sometimes. But what do you do? You complete the stress cycle And how do you do that? Well a number of ways, but the main way the authors recommend is through exercise.

Now, if you can’t or don’t want to exercise for whatever reason, that is okay, because there are other ways to complete the stress cycle. The authors give stories of two of their friends throughout the book to help us understand how some of the things they are talking about can apply in real life. One of their friends was blunt that she hated exercise and never would exercise. Instead, she was able to complete her stress cycle through progressive muscle relaxation. Other ways they suggest is slow breathing (I personally like 4-7-8 breathing), positive social interactions, sharing laughter, connecting with a loved one (they recommend kissing or hugging specifically), crying, or making something. These are all things I am already doing thankfully, but it does feel nice being reminded of how helpful these various actions really can be.

While we should work to problem solve and eliminate stress from our life, it isn’t always possible, as mentioned before. Besides completing the stress cycle, sometimes we need to problem solve or reframe a stressor. Sometimes this means readjusting what it means to win or fail in a situation. You can change how invested you are in a situation. Oh btw there is a pdf companion guide for the audio book you can easily find. There is a little chart they give you to help you evaluate if a stressor is worth dealing with or walking away from.

And we will round out the first section by talking about finding meaning. This is where we get to dive a bit into the feminist parts of the book. They say society has two people, human beings (men) and human givers (women). This ends up leading to a lot of women feeling stuck in a life of giving to others, thinking it is too selfish to pursue their own goals and aspirations. Not feeling like you have your own purpose in life can also be a stressor.

Finding my meaning has been something that has really been on my mind lately. I feel as if I have become pretty socially withdrawn, and I wish to be more involved within my community, especially my LGBT community. I recently started attending support and social groups again. The day before I started listening to this audio group I signed up as being interested in occasionally hosting the group so we can have meetings more often. I think it was a poke that being more involved in my community can be my greater meaning.

The Real Enemy

This is the section where a lot of feminism and patriarchy is talked about. The authors are honest and let us know the game of life is rigged from the start. The tables are turned against women to make them have certain stressors that they cannot otherwise avoid. However, the authors suggest acknowledging this is a struggle we all have that can actually help lessen the blow. We get a little bit of talking about gaslighting. It isn’t you that is crazy, promise.

We also get a chapter that touches on fatphobia and toxic wellness culture, which I enjoyed. They encourage body acceptance and redefining what it means to be “hot”. There is a lot of encouragement to call your own body and women’s bodies beautiful. Verbalizing these things is encouraging to both ourselves and those around us. We are also reminded to listen to our body and its needs. If our body is hurting, we should stop and attend to that hurt.

Wax on, Wax off

This section to me is “other things you can be doing to slow burnout from happening in the first place". There are three chapters in this section; connect, rest, and growth. With connect, they emphasize the importance of relationships, and not just romantic ones. It is important to remember that humans are social creatures, and sometimes you need help from others. It takes a village, ya know? This is something I really struggle with. I was raised to be a pretty private person and not to ask for help. As an adult I struggle to know when it is “acceptable” to ask for help. You are encouraged to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend. If a friend told you they were struggling with making enough food after a surgery, would you call them lazy? I don’t think you would. So if you are struggling with an illness, or a mental health issue, is there someone you can reach out to for extra help? Know who those people are, and build connections with them.

Rest. We love it, but most of us don’t get enough of it. It isn’t just the 7-9 hours of sleep everyday either. Are you giving yourself downtime every day? Time to breathe. Time to create. Time to have meaningful conversations with our loved ones. Sleep is very important to me and I do my best to make sure I am in bed for at least 7 hours a day. I have always been like this, because I am absolutely miserable if I don’t get enough sleep. I am not always great about giving myself downtime during the day though. I am either bouncing from task to task or am in ADHD paralysis mode (which doesn’t count as rest even if it looks like rest). I do try and schedule time for stress reducing tasks, but I could work on being better at just giving myself time to be free to do whatever.

And for our final chapter, and one that has me thinking the most, we move on to growth. We are encouraged to make our very own “madwoman in the attic”. All of us have that little voice inside us, the one who says awful, no good things. Things that the real us wouldn’t say. Well we are encouraged to personify that voice, and then comfort and empathize with that voice. The idea is that separating making it into a character helps you get better control and distance from that voice. Who would that voice be? A crotchety old lady? A scared child? A moody preteen?

I started to write about mine, but I actually don’t think that is something I am quite comfortable sharing here! But it has been an interesting exercise to think about. It for sure was soothing to think about at least.

Overall I enjoyed this book. I listened to the audio book in the mornings at work. I usually have an hour in the morning by myself when I can listen to my headphones. There were times I tuned in and out of listening because I was focused on work, but I found I was able to easily follow along even if I missed a little bit. The book does feel a bit repetitive or like it drones on at times, but not horribly so. I think the audio book was about 8 and a half hours if I remember right. I didn’t include a lot of the deeper detail, real life stories, feminism, and science of the book here. I feel like if this made you interested, you should go ahead and read the book for yourself to get the full information!